What do you DO?

This question haunts me for many reasons. Most of the below conversations are factual, the internal monologue that I have given other people are not, it just goes to emphasises my neurotic nature.

Circa 2008-..Me= age 20.

*conversation dries up*'so....are you a student?'
Me: "Yep"

'What year?'

Me: 'First year'

This then either results in said person saying....
a) "Oh, i would have thought you were older than a first year"(subsequently making me think 'DAMMIT! ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T PASS FOR 18?? WHERES THE WRINKLE CREAM?')

b) "oh, right." (subsequently making me think WHAT THE HELL? THEY THINK I'M 18? AM I THAT IMMATURE?

At this point, if you have identified that I have a complex about my age, you would be correct.

Circa 2009...Me age 21

'So......what do you DO?'

Me: 'Oh I'm at uni studying worldwide famine solutions '[read: international development]

'Oh....What year?'

Me: 'er , first year'

"Oh....but you've been around here longer than a few months no?'

Me: 'er, yeah, I should be in my second year but I quit my first year just before exams so had to start again'

'Oh.........' (I can only assume their internal monologue is something like 'Huh? What kind of an idiot doesnt complete first year? YOU QUITTER. I dont make friends with quitters.)

(thus they realise I'm a fail-loser, without even having to take into account I'm 3 years older than the average first year, or experiencing my age neuroses'

Circa 2010.....Me age 21 3\4

"So....youre a student then?" (which subsequently makes me think....Why would you assume I'M A STUDENT? is it because I look like I don't shower. Because I do. So there.)

Me: "No...I...er...work ...er...part time in an art shop'

"Oh so you have kids then?" (because obcviously thats the only reason for part time working, nothing to do with the jobs vortex that surrounds Leeds.......ALSO...I look like Ive had kids? Is it my baby bump? because that's the product of too much wine.)

Me: "er, No"

"But youre married, right?" (******* IMPORTANT NOTE ...most Christians believe in, aside from the bible, the doctrine you must marry once you are no longer a student. Or so the single ones of us are lead to believe.)


Me: "er, No...I was engaged but not anymore"

*AWKWARD SILENCE* (In which i laugh heartily in my head for purposely making the other person feel guilty.



I can only dread next year....

2011...Me age 23

SCENARIO A:

'So, which ones are your children?'

Me: 'Oh i don't have kids, I'm not married, Ive quit education 4 times and I'm a first year student at University.'

'But you're 23?!!!!!! What have you been doing until now?'

*AWKWARD SILENCE* In which I laugh in my head at myself for being such a fail-loser.

SCENARIO B:

'So, what Do you do?'

Me:' I'm a student, first year' (voluntary information to eliminate unnecessary question)


'Oh right'

(I then think...Dammit...I blantantly don't look 18 so I must act it. WHY AM I SO IMMATURE?)


Fin.


So basically, I am paranoid about acting younger than I am, and looking older than I am. The plan is to slather on the anti-wrinkle cream, pretend I'm 18...but also get myself a subscription to The Week and a bag of werthers original for a dose of maturity.