Dear Blackberry,
I like you.
Sometimes when you ring,
I ignore you.
Please don't take it personally;
I just know its probably an email from Frank Rumbunkasisi.
I don't know who he is,
but I'd like it if you could filter him out.
I find it disconcerting that you're made by a company called RIM,
But I'll let you off,
as you help look occupied in awkward situations,
and sometimes make me look professional,
at least that would be the case,
If I'd brushed my hair today.
Please try and make your battery last a bit longer.
The End.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
PUBLIC TRANSPORT IS DANGEROUS
So, on Tuesday, I left my friends house about 10pm, and went to get the bus. At the bus stop i bumped into my friend Johnny, which was of course lovely, but was also really fortunate for me, for reasons below.
Johnny and I had a bit of banter about the Election, and then boarded the bus.
Until the on the near deserted bus, a woman threw herself on the floor, and started fitting, banging her head and trying to choke herself.
Jonny, authoritatively, instructed the bus to stop, the bus driver whips out his phone and calls an ambulance, or so we think.
Actually, he was calling the bus depot to let them know he was running late.
So, My blackberry got to call 999 for the first time in its life. I didn't actually make the call, Johnny did.
I can't deal with that kind of pressure. I dread to think how a 4 month old piece of plastic felt.
So Johnny spent 10 minutes trying to explain where we were (My thoughts.....For goodnesssake were a massive bus pulled over on a hill, its not that hard!) whilst I tried to pad the bars the woman was banging her head on and stop her trying to choke herself. She was really strong and I couldn't move her hand, so I just made sure she was still breathing, whilst trying to reassure her. I actually surprised myself, normally in those situations I'm a complete awkward idiot, but I imagine from a Birdseye view I could have been on a cool medical drama like House. Or maybe something more low-budget, like Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman.
So, then the ambulance mooches up, ambulance men walk on....
'Oh, hi Phyllis'
Apparently this woman throws fake fits all the time for attention.
It was quite scary seeing her be strapped down and wheeled off, and really really sad.
Cue *somber mood for rest of journey*
The thing I found most sad about it was how troubled one must be to let yourself be patronised like that.
On Wednesday I started using my bike, far safer. I think.
Johnny and I had a bit of banter about the Election, and then boarded the bus.
Until the on the near deserted bus, a woman threw herself on the floor, and started fitting, banging her head and trying to choke herself.
Jonny, authoritatively, instructed the bus to stop, the bus driver whips out his phone and calls an ambulance, or so we think.
Actually, he was calling the bus depot to let them know he was running late.
So, My blackberry got to call 999 for the first time in its life. I didn't actually make the call, Johnny did.
I can't deal with that kind of pressure. I dread to think how a 4 month old piece of plastic felt.
So Johnny spent 10 minutes trying to explain where we were (My thoughts.....For goodnesssake were a massive bus pulled over on a hill, its not that hard!) whilst I tried to pad the bars the woman was banging her head on and stop her trying to choke herself. She was really strong and I couldn't move her hand, so I just made sure she was still breathing, whilst trying to reassure her. I actually surprised myself, normally in those situations I'm a complete awkward idiot, but I imagine from a Birdseye view I could have been on a cool medical drama like House. Or maybe something more low-budget, like Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman.
So, then the ambulance mooches up, ambulance men walk on....
'Oh, hi Phyllis'
Apparently this woman throws fake fits all the time for attention.
It was quite scary seeing her be strapped down and wheeled off, and really really sad.
Cue *somber mood for rest of journey*
The thing I found most sad about it was how troubled one must be to let yourself be patronised like that.
On Wednesday I started using my bike, far safer. I think.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Is this a good idea?
So, because my blog doesn't have a particular theme, I end up rambling about my life and views on the world. Which may be entertaining for some, who knows.
But due to the fact I am not anonymous in the blogosphere, I feel as though I must severely edit what I write, because I may ruffle someones feathers.
I would never purposely insult ANYONE.
Maybe if I want to be honest I should keep it to a diary. But I do love to write, and get feedback.
Hm.
NB: This was written in relation to a post I have since deleted. Nothing exsisting on here is THAT contaversial.
But due to the fact I am not anonymous in the blogosphere, I feel as though I must severely edit what I write, because I may ruffle someones feathers.
I would never purposely insult ANYONE.
Maybe if I want to be honest I should keep it to a diary. But I do love to write, and get feedback.
Hm.
NB: This was written in relation to a post I have since deleted. Nothing exsisting on here is THAT contaversial.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
What do you DO?
This question haunts me for many reasons. Most of the below conversations are factual, the internal monologue that I have given other people are not, it just goes to emphasises my neurotic nature.
Circa 2008-..Me= age 20.
*conversation dries up*'so....are you a student?'
Me: "Yep, I study worldwide famine solutions (read: International development)"
'What year?'
Me: 'First year'
This then either results in said person saying....
a) "Oh, i would have thought you were older than a first year"
(subsequently making me think 'DAMMIT! ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T PASS FOR 18??)
b) "oh, right."
(making me think WHAT THE HELL? THEY THINK I'M 18? AM I THAT IMMATURE?
Circa 2010.....Me age 21 3\4
"So....youre a student then?" (which subsequently makes me think....Why would you assume I'M A STUDENT? is it because I look like I don't shower. Because I do. So there.)
Me: "No...I...er...work ...er...part time in an art shop'
"Oh so you have kids then?" (because obcviously thats the only reason for part time working, nothing to do with the jobs vortex that surrounds Leeds.......
I look like Ive had kids? Is it my baby bump? because that's the product of too much wine.)
Me: "er, No"
"But youre married, right?" (******* IMPORTANT NOTE ...most Christians believe in, aside from the bible, the doctrine that you must marry once you are no longer a student.)
Me: "er, No...I was engaged but not anymore"
*AWKWARD SILENCE* (In which i laugh heartily in my head for purposely making the other person feel guilty.
How to bring my age related complex into balance? Slather on the anti-wrinkle cream, pour vodka on my cornflakes...but also get myself a subscription to The Peoples Friend and a bag of werthers original for a dose of maturity.
Circa 2008-..Me= age 20.
*conversation dries up*'so....are you a student?'
Me: "Yep, I study worldwide famine solutions (read: International development)"
'What year?'
Me: 'First year'
This then either results in said person saying....
a) "Oh, i would have thought you were older than a first year"
(subsequently making me think 'DAMMIT! ARE YOU SAYING I CAN'T PASS FOR 18??)
b) "oh, right."
(making me think WHAT THE HELL? THEY THINK I'M 18? AM I THAT IMMATURE?
Circa 2010.....Me age 21 3\4
"So....youre a student then?" (which subsequently makes me think....Why would you assume I'M A STUDENT? is it because I look like I don't shower. Because I do. So there.)
Me: "No...I...er...work ...er...part time in an art shop'
"Oh so you have kids then?" (because obcviously thats the only reason for part time working, nothing to do with the jobs vortex that surrounds Leeds.......
I look like Ive had kids? Is it my baby bump? because that's the product of too much wine.)
Me: "er, No"
"But youre married, right?" (******* IMPORTANT NOTE ...most Christians believe in, aside from the bible, the doctrine that you must marry once you are no longer a student.)
Me: "er, No...I was engaged but not anymore"
*AWKWARD SILENCE* (In which i laugh heartily in my head for purposely making the other person feel guilty.
How to bring my age related complex into balance? Slather on the anti-wrinkle cream, pour vodka on my cornflakes...but also get myself a subscription to The Peoples Friend and a bag of werthers original for a dose of maturity.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Monday, April 05, 2010
I heart everyone
A hotbed topic, according to the Daily Star*
Immigration. Whats the big deal? The daily star says 'THIS COUNTRY IS FULL' (In bold lettering, crap, they must mean business)
Seriously. Go for a drive in the country.Not only will it do you good to get away from drinking Stella and wishing you were Peter Andre, but you will realise that there's plenty of space!
Now, obviously, I'm not saying it'd be good for the whole of England to become some kind of battery farm.
Actually, I plan on emigrating as soon as I'm qualified to do anything so I don't care.
But, when considering that, apparently, the non English speaking world considers the English to be pill popping, obese weirdos with an unhealthy obsession with our ex- prime minister (please see previous post, or click here ), i think we should take it as a compliment, that a few, educated, probably more attractive than us, enterprising people take it upon themselves to get to England by any means possible.
The length some people go to to get here is heartbreaking, and the fact that some people get kicked out is also heartbreaking. I'm sure I don't need to comment on the dodgy boats, drug smuggling, trading in your life savings and goat farms that people are prepared to go through. I think the effort deserves a reward.
My boss thinks that it should become like a game show....'Overcome Sharks, hurricanes, malnutrition, scurvy and CUSTOMS...and win a lifetimes supply of ENGLAND!!!!!!
Ill leave you to decide whether that's funny or immoral.
I should probably point out that all my best friends are foreign, and probably wouldn't have been able to live in England if the daily star had had their way.
Immigration. Whats the big deal? The daily star says 'THIS COUNTRY IS FULL' (In bold lettering, crap, they must mean business)
Seriously. Go for a drive in the country.Not only will it do you good to get away from drinking Stella and wishing you were Peter Andre, but you will realise that there's plenty of space!
Now, obviously, I'm not saying it'd be good for the whole of England to become some kind of battery farm.
Actually, I plan on emigrating as soon as I'm qualified to do anything so I don't care.
But, when considering that, apparently, the non English speaking world considers the English to be pill popping, obese weirdos with an unhealthy obsession with our ex- prime minister (please see previous post, or click here ), i think we should take it as a compliment, that a few, educated, probably more attractive than us, enterprising people take it upon themselves to get to England by any means possible.
The length some people go to to get here is heartbreaking, and the fact that some people get kicked out is also heartbreaking. I'm sure I don't need to comment on the dodgy boats, drug smuggling, trading in your life savings and goat farms that people are prepared to go through. I think the effort deserves a reward.
My boss thinks that it should become like a game show....'Overcome Sharks, hurricanes, malnutrition, scurvy and CUSTOMS...and win a lifetimes supply of ENGLAND!!!!!!
Ill leave you to decide whether that's funny or immoral.
I should probably point out that all my best friends are foreign, and probably wouldn't have been able to live in England if the daily star had had their way.
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